Riddle me This!
by Hiphaxus
Summary: Laxus, Gildarts, Erza and Mirajane are invited to bathe in an S-class hot tub for their bravery and determination on Tenroujima. As Mirajane starts a game of riddles, the rest take it a little too far...


**The 4 S-class mages decide to do some riddles together. Friendship fic!**

**There are some very stupid, and maybe some suggestive, comments from the mages in here. Read on if you're okay with this.**

**Summary: Laxus, Gildarts, Erza and Mirajane are invited to bathe in an S-class hot tub for their bravery and determination on Tenroujima. As Mirajane starts a game of riddles, the rest take it a little too far...**

**MirajanexLaxus, suggested ErzaxJellal, and a teeny weeny bit of MirajanexErza.**

**I didn't check over this, so please feel free to put any grammatical errors in a review for me.**

**-Rated T-**

* * *

"A what?" Gildarts grinned, leaning forward towards the clerk behind the counter.

"An S-class only hot tub, sir." She repeated, flashing pearly whites at the crash mage. Laxus cocked a brow.

"Sounds pretty awesome." He mused. "Too bad I have to be in it with another guy.." He eyed the women's chests, as to be expected of him, and thus receiving a hard smack across the head from Erza. Mirajane stepped forward.

"Um, where is the hot tub? Do we have to get changed in a room together?" She swarmed her with an endless wave of questions, her mouth finally put to rest by Gildarts' hand.

"Sorry about that. She's a little..chatty."

Mirajane frowned. That was certainly not true!...Was it?

The woman sighed, shaking her head in a polite way before answering her questions.

"No, Miss Strauss, there are separate rooms for both genders on either side of the room. The hot tub room is at the very end of the corridor, 5th floor, left side. Yes, there are fire extinguishers and smoke alarms set ready for even the smallest wisp of smoke. There are settings for the tub. There are towels there, of course you don't have to bring your own towel! Don't worry, your clothes will be completely dry after you come out. No, there aren't any windows in the hot tub. We will lock the bathroom if you want. Nobody will..try to..er, violate you? We're a pretty safe hotel after all..And no. You can't melt in the hot tub."

Mira nodded, pleased with her response, and glanced at the others awkwardly as they gave her weird looks.

"What?" She whispered.

"..Melt in the hot tub? Are you fucking insane?" Laxus questioned. The barmaid put a hand to her face.

"I'm just making sure. I don't want to risk anything."

"You're a demon, Mirajane." Gildarts assured. "Nothing will happen to you, you'll just beat the shit out of anyone. Or anything."

"It's always good to take precaution." Erza stated, her mouth in a hard line. The two men snickered as they climbed the stairs up towards the fifth floor.

* * *

"Who the hell puts a hot tub, an S-CLASS HOT TUB, on the fifth floor?" Gildarts shouted. Laxus scowled in agreement.

"A fucking dumbass. that's who." They bumped fists.

Erza glared in their direction.

"Now, boys." She said, a great trace of menace in her voice, "you're all going to shut up, enjoy the bath and not do anything stupid." She looked at the dragonslayer of the group with a knowing stare. "Laxus."

He frowned. "Woah, hey there, I'm not gonna do anything wrong. I'd worry about Snow White over there."

Erza rolled her eyes as the older man shuffled towards him.

"Um, Laxus. Snow White has black hair."

"Shit really?"

Mirajane giggled at Laxus, punching him in the arm. He opened the door, letting himself in, and deliberately closing the door on the others. Gildarts smashed through the door without restraint. Doorknobs are too mainstream. The two women followed, leaving the trail to go into their own changing rooms.

* * *

Laxus gave Mirajane a playful spank as she exited the changing room, dressed in a blue bikini, her hair falling into her eyes. She blushed crimson.

"L-Laxus! That wasn't necessary!" She cried. Erza did the same, only lighter, making the demon squeal in embarrassment.

"You look good in that, Mira." She winked.

"Oooh, lesbian love?" Gildarts cooed. He received a slap in the face.

The lightning mage was first in the tub, stretching his arms across the sides, joined by the other three. Mira gave a sigh of contentment.

"This really hits the spot.." The oldest breathes. The knight nods in agreement.

The four sat in silence. They didn't have anything to say to eachother. Mirajane started to play with the buttons on her side of the tub, pressing a strange button that brought up two glasses of champagne and a bottle.

"Oh my," Laxus moved in closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "this is a nice surprise." He took a glass and downed it's contents in one. Mirajane tried her best to mimic him, but failed as she stuttered on the bubbly drink.

"I think you should keep it light on the alcohol for now." He suggested. Her cheeks went red.

"Woah, what's going on between you two?" Erza teased.

"Nothing!" The barmaid screamed. Laxus rubbed his ear, scowling as he reminded her that he had brilliant hearing.

"Oh, when's the wedding?" The red head continued. Laxus smirked at her, leaning in.

"Yeah Erza, when's the wedding? Jellal wont wait any longer." He quipped.

She blushed as red as her hair.

"We're-we're not dating!"

The aura between the two rose; ominouse in the dark lit room.

"Why dont we have a game of Riddles?!" The barmaid blurted out. The auras dropped.

"..Riddles?" Laxus mused. He wasn't a big fan.

"Okay then. I'll go first." Erza said in confidence. She cleared her throat, her voice loud and clear;-

"When is a door not a door?"

"When it's a fucking bit of wood smashed by Gildarts." Laxus deadpanned. They high fived eachother as Mirajane simply sweatdropped.

"When it's ajar, right?" She answered. The knight gave her friend a congratulatory pat on the back.

"I'll go next,"

She thought hard, snapping her fingers together when she thought of one.

"Put me on to keep youself warm; remove one letter and I'm an emotion. What am I?"

"A demon." Gildarts joked.

"A condom." The lightning mage said. You could tell by the look on his face he was completely serious about his answer. Erza facepalmed, hard.

"A wh-wait, ew! Laxus, no!" Mira scolded. "Don't ever say that again!"

The crash mage whispered in his friend's ear.

"She wants the D."

Laxus snickered.

"Okay..Next one."

"Why did the terrorist die after jumping out of an aeroplane?" Laxus questioned.

"He had no parachute." Erza answered. He shook his head.

"He, um, had a hole in his parachute?" Mira said. He shook his head again.

"Because he flirted with my daughter." Gildarts mumbled. Laxus shook his head again, sweatdropping at his response.

"Wanna know why?"

"Tell us, Laxy!" Mira shouted. The others laughed as he his cheeks went pink.

"I'll tell you," He assured, patting her on the head, "if you never call me that. Again. Ever."

She nodded in shame.

"...Because he got hit by a flying umbrella."

"..What the fuck?!" Gildarts roared. Erza rubbed her chin, nodding.

"It's a possibility. Well done, Laxus. You got us there."

He took a small bow, pleased by the result. Mirajane sighed in exasperation. Was it even possible to die from an umbrella? She doubted it was possible to get an umbrella so high into the sky aswell..

"I'm sick of this bullshit." Gildarts deadpanned. The demon nodded.

"Let's play another game!"

"I'm out." Erza said, getting herself up from the tub.

"Me too." Laxus got out aswell, leaving them to their own private game.

"It's a shame." Mira sighed. Gildarts looked at her with a puzzled look.

"They didn't realise you can make the tub bubble." With a quick motion, she flicked a switch whihc immediately generated bubbles from the floor. They both laughed, relaxing and chatting as they indulged themselves in the many wonders of the hot tub.

* * *

**OOOOH LAXUS YOU SNICKERDOODLE**

**Well, that's all from me. Hope you enjoyed!**


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